31 March, 2007

Oh dear, a small piece of my brain has fallen out!

I sat on my glasses. Bend-age now. Need pliers. Good thing school is finished for now. I'm sick of school. Behind in work, missing week of school is bad, damn conjunctivitis. Provisionally failed maths. Uh oh. It's only foundation.

I am scared that my media product will be bad. Ramble ramble.

26 March, 2007

What's in a name?


Those are a few definitions I found for my name... I don't like it... Well, I like the name, but I'm not sure if I like the definitions, for me that is.

What is in a name? I'm not really a superstitious person, if you would call it superstition, but do names really carry any meaning for a person? I don't like the idea that I'm moulded a certain way because of my name, it makes me feel like I'm being controlled.

I wish it was like the bible, or a lot of other book and stories I've read where people are renamed, they get their real name from someone that's shaped around their true self, and reveals their identity.
I want that name.

What would you rename me if you had the chance?

21 March, 2007

Elaboration across the nation.

"They sung 'I am a Friend of God' or whatever it's called... one of my pronouncedly disliked songs... but I got over it. Will elaborate, eventually."

I said I would elaborate, so here is my elaboration, wow!
This is a song we sing at church sometimes, and I don't like it. A few other people I know don't like it either, anyway, the song's basic lyrics are:

I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend.

There are more, but I forget what they are.
I don't know why I dislike the song so much, I just do. Maybe it has to do with the lyrics... I like my lyrics deep and meaningful. Maybe those lyrics are deep and meaningful for someone else, but they're not for me.

Whenever we sing the song in worship, I just cringe on the inside, especially when I see the worship leaders up on stage smiling and clapping and such... one of them really annoys me, because it always looks like she's fake smiling, and I don't like her voice, but anyway, it's not about that.
I suppose you would say our church is pentecostal, we're big on worship and the holy spirit and such.

So, when the song started playing, I just tuned out and probably rolled my eyes on the inside, at the same time as going 'Ugh! I hate this song!'
After a little while of being stubborn and song-hating, I had the realisation that the songs we sing in worship aren't for me. They're not for you either, or anyone else in my church, your church, or the world. The songs are for God, and he doesn't care what they sound like, or if I don't like the song, he cares about the heart that the worship is coming from. I don't sing worship songs for my enjoyment (although I do enjoy it anyway) or to feel close to God (although sometimes I do that too) but I sing worship songs to do just that, worship God. It is for him, for me to tell him that I love him, to thank him, to praise him, to cry out to him.

So that's what I did.


19 March, 2007


So, I have asthma, and have had it for as long as I remember.
I don’t really get it that bad, I used to when I was younger, but I don’t get it as much now.

The church I’ve been brought up in for most of my life is into healing, and so am I.
I’ve been prayed for so many times during my life, by so many different people, in so many different places, for my asthma. I still have asthma.

Why? Is pretty much the question I’m asking here. Some people might say it’s because I have no faith, or the person praying for me has no faith, but what do they know? I have faith for healing, as do the numerous people who’ve prayed for me, and plenty of people who have no faith at all that God will heal them have been healed.

Others would say that God does not want to heal me, but it says in the bible that we have authority over sickness and such, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on Earth, as it is in Heaven” The kingdom of Heaven-besides being a movie I haven’t seen-is a place where there is no sickness. Your kingdom come… on Earth as it is in Heaven.
My church talks a lot about this sort of verse, and taking authority over sickness.

So, if I have faith, authority, and God’s will, then why aren’t I healed? And why don’t other people get healed sometimes?
Back to the topic of having faith, while I do have faith in miracles, I’m a bit cynical from time to time. I hear stories about miraculous healings, but I find it a bit hard to believe, I mean, how do I know it wasn’t staged? How do I know it’s true? I never knew the sick person. I also have a had time trusting pastors. I know it’s a good thing to sort of challenge them, and not believe every word someone says to you, just because they have a credible position, but I question and challenge everything it seems. My un-trusting-ness, or whatever real word I’m looking for there, is a bit unhealthy.

One thing these pastors and preachers who I have a hard time trusting say to not focus on what God hasn’t done in your life, but focus on what he has done. I’ll try and do that.

I had a thought that maybe God is healing my asthma. In the process of. Because when I get prayed for, sometimes, my asthma goes away for a while. Days, weeks, months. But it eventually comes back. Why? I don’t know. All I know is, I’m confused, and this blog hasn’t helped to sort out my thoughts and make me less confused.

11 March, 2007

Vintage Train

So, yesterday, (yesterday being Saturday) I went to my Pop's farm in good ol' Bairnsdale!

Bree, Nath and I went up there to check it out and see if it was fit for a wedding.
'Twas a long car ride up there, but we stopped for ice cream! (My suggestion...request...order)

Hmm, so we arrived at Le Farm and were glad to be able to stretch our legs, 'ahhhhh...' We ate one of the best dinners I've ever had! OHitwassogood! Mmm... Corned beef, and salad that had pineapple in it, but it was good, and beetroot! I love beetroot. And 'taters.
Dessert=Baked!Custard & Homegrown peaches.

We talked long about Tasmania, and yachts and first fleet convict ancestors, Bree again made suggestions about who I should marry, to which I rolled my eyes.

Then to bed! We all (minus the grandparents) snuggled up in the same bed and sang songs. We all had to shoot ourselves at one stage, unfortunately as 'Lips of and Angel' by Hinder actually managed to process itself in our brains and pass out of our mouths only to enter our ears! Oh the shame! Hate that song. With a passion.
Also, we did sing 'Hakuna Matata' and 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight?'

Then we made jokes about names of characters from Lord of the Rings. I'll see if I can remember any...........
Nah I'm blank, sorry... only ones that come to mind are the not so funny ones... Faramiracle... and Fireman Sam... Oh, and Ahh, when (Arwen) are you gonna stop?

They're really not that funny, but you need the build up, and you need to be having a laughing fit at the time. Sleep. I win. Ha.

Breakfast=Little balls of cantaloupe & passion fruit & best strawberry yoghurt I've ever tasted!
Second Breakfast=Bacon & Eggs & Toast

After breakfast, we explored ze farm. Everything was smaller than I remembered... damn growing up...
Chickens laid one egg.
Shed may be too small for wedding.

Walked down the lane, saw the Heifers and Bulls. We sat on the grass for a while staring at the cows, then went and looked at the half empty dam. Damn. Ha, I'm so funny.
Looked at very cool tree stump we used to play on, next to windmill.
We (Josh, me, Cameron, Christopher-Haven't seen those two for years.) used to play shoot 'em up games. Guess who always won? Not me.

Walked back to farmhouse. Glanced at train carriage, which is the coolest thing ever by the way, it's an old, vintage train carriage that my Pop bought and renovated, so to speak. It has two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, a lounge room (complete with fireplace) and a little front room/foyer/whatever. I wish it were mine. I want it. I must have it.

Something to aspire to. A vintage train carriage owner.

Went down in the cellar. MUCH smaller than I remembered, but still very cool.

That was pretty much the end of that chapter. Drove home (Ice cream again! Bubble O Bill) Had KFC for lunch. Doesn't nearly add up to the farm meals.
I like road trips. It wasn't much of one, three or four hours, but I like it :D Music, fast, wind, sleepy, it's good.

Went to church, was late but oh well. They sung 'I am a Friend of God' or whatever it's called... one of my pronouncedly disliked songs... but I got over it. Will elaborate, eventually.

Daddy was at church so he took me home! Which meant that shy little didn't me have to go up to people who don't live my way and ask for a life. Dammit 'e', why so close to 't'!? ask for a lift, I meant.

Came home. No one home. Lights out. Door WIDE OPEN. Doo doo doo. I was freaked out. Especially when the dogs started barking at a tree in the back yard that seemed to be moving a heck of a lot. So I just rang Holly and talked to her until Bree and Nath came home.

The End

10 March, 2007

Cloud nine.

These clouds are way cool, man.