30 May, 2007


24 May, 2007



Are next week.

I am stressed.

I have so much to do.

Sigh. My subjects this year are: Foundation maths, Vis Comm, Art, 3/4 Studio Arts, Media, and English. Oh and Veta.
I only have four exams. But I also have to do my Vis Comm project, which is due tomorrow, which I haven't started, and my visual diary is at school. I have my maths project to do, which is due next week, and how sad would it be to fail foundation maths?
Had an English SAC today on Gattaca which was pretty easy because it was creative writing not an analytical piece. Have to finish filming for my media product, and have to edit & post production crap, also have to start on my second medium. Also need to get a grasp of representation. Anyone care to explain representation in different terms than my media teacher does? He makes no sense.
Have to study those art things. Elements and something or other. The stupid man teacher wrecked my painting. I hate still life, people always paint fruit, and bowls, and fruit bowls.

Changed my theme for Studio Arts, was doing winter, am now doing faces/eyes.
I have to do my folio & design brief in a week. My teacher is severely abstract when he explains things. Egad I'm scared. Scared.
I have so much to do, so much to do, so much to do.
Going to dad's for dinner tonight.
Youth tomorrow night.
Shopping for central on Saturday.
Work on Saturday.
Church and leader's meeting on Sunday.
Ahhhhhh crap, I'm so screwed.

Went to Top Designs for an excursion yesterday. Made me feel... inadequate? How the hell can I be as good as that? Everything was so creative, and so good.
Why can't I be as good as that?
Arty things are pretty much all I'm good at in my eyes, and I'm not even that good compared to others.
What do I have, if not that?

Why does school and society put so much pressure on us to excel and exceed? I can't do it. I hate this academic world I live in. You're no good unless you have a good, well payed, respected job.
I know that's not really true, but that's the pressure they put on us.

I can't do it. I can't.

Maybe, just maybe, I can. Prayer would be good.

21 May, 2007

... More than meets the eye...

08 May, 2007

Camp, Correction, C-video.

In answer (wow, how big does the font want to be?) to Jono's question about 'Bob' here are two YouTube videos.

Veta retreat no. 2:

I think I liked retreat no. 2 more and less.
More: Because I knew the people and what to expect, and people didn't annoy me as much as on the last one. Also, the Planetshakers people weren't there being all exclusive. Ok that's harsh, but true for the most part.
Less: I was tired and stressed. And surprised at my attitudes at times. Beat myself up for that.

But overall it was good. Talked to people more this time. We went to Youth Alive on the Friday night, which was a good, but deafening experience. The sessions were on personality types, (by Glenda, who else?) a guy called Rowan Lewis came and talked about 'Who am I?' and the Trinity, Greg talked about groups/team management, and did a communion thing, and Digger did some cool stuff on evangelism.
Lots of people complain about sessions. And they can't sit that long. But I love sessions! Yay!
Oh, and Glenda did a thing about depression and dealing with ourselves and other people who have depression, bi-polar, etc...

I got annoyed/angry after that session, because it had obviously bean a very sort of morbid session, someone was crying and we were all feeling rather somber. I remarked to the other girl in my peer group: "I'm feeling a bit depressed after that."
To which she gave me a dirty look, and told me not say something like that because she hates it when people talk about depression like that without knowing what it means.
Which I suppose is fair enough, I dare say she's had her share of crap dealings in life and knows what depression is, but it just annoyed me so much. The way she said it too, it was so condescending, but it made me angry that she thought she knew me enough to think I don't know what depression is, or have never had any experience of it. I know full well what it is and have had plenty experience, probably with more experience to come, in fact I've been wondering since that session whether I have depression or not, wondering that actually made me break down at school yesterday, but anyway.

It usually makes me angry when everyone thinks their life is crap. Well, when they think they're the ONLY person whose life is crap. My life is crap sometimes/a lot of the time, but I know other people's are as well, and I know that the crap times will come and go, for me and everyone else. I just wish people wouldn't be so self-centered about their problems. Or maybe I'm just bitter because I hold all my problems inside instead of complaining/talking about them when I really just want to whine and complain and cry all day long.

Anywho, enough of that.

In a previous post, I said that my personality according to the Myers-Briggs thing or whatever is INFJ. Which is false, it is actually INFP, and according to Glenda, I am "The least J person she knows." (J people are usually organized an the like.)
You can go here and read, if you can be bothered, about INFP.

Then if you had even more bothering up your sleeve, you could even do the test and tell me what you are!

Josh just told me that he rolled Aunty Anne on the phone! High five? Yeah, we don't like her much. We're not just hating on her, there are valid reasons for our extreme dislike for this person who is (unfortunately) related to us.