05 October, 2012

New Blog


I have moved. Just because.

10 May, 2012

All At Once

Put it down in one thought
Put it down on one letter
Get it out in one song
If you can

All of it all at once
Yearning longing pain frustration
Where do we go from here?
Where do I go from here?

Is this always what you'd wanted?
Is this all you'd ever hoped I would be?
Because when I look in the mirror
I'm not so sure that I like what I see
I'm afraid that person is me

Did you do all you could?
Did you fight for it after all?
Did you recover all that was taken
And give back what you stole?
Did you do right by me?
Is it really that troubling?

Because I'd like to have a crack at it some day
And I'd like to think I'll do okay
But you've left me with these stumbling blocks
These hurdles and hoops
Keep me in circles and loops.
And I'm trying
To get through it all
To believe that I'll never fall
That I'll never make the wrongs you did
But I have to believe that there's something at the end
That makes it all okay
Something to comfort me at the end of the longest day.
And I know it
And I know Him
But I also know the aching
And I wish he'd take it away.

07 April, 2012


I can't decide whether I
And I wonder if the decision
is really up to me
Or if what I long for
is also what I breathe

Whether it's
If I'm too stubborn or scared
to take even a well-aimed shot
To let you take part
in the how/where/why/what

What is my reply to the
To jump into the lesson
and to finally then learn
Or pass it by altogether
and for always, still yearn?

28 March, 2012


Sometimes I feel silly writing blog posts... Where's the point in it? Even the word, 'blog'... definitely does NOT make the favourites list...

But I'm a bit way-too-happy to not ramble right now.




19 March, 2012

Instagram Top 10 - Cambodia

18 March, 2012

'Teenage Dream'

This was the maid of honour's 'speech' at my brother's wedding. It was actually a song that turned into a whole bridesmaid fiesta! To the tune of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream.

They met at church when he just hit puberty
And she was wearing her little red beanie
This is the start of their epic love story
He tried to win her playing the best friend card
But it was harder than rapping to 8 Mile
She wasn't ready for your bushman charms—or the farm!

Oh poor Josh—took her 7 years
To see you were the tops!
What's the deal with chicks these days? I dunno.
Just blame Paula & Craig!

[Ch 1]
Was Josh's one and only
Teenage dream
One time he drank too much and licked her feet
That's what you do when you're young and in love, you're young and in love.

His heart broke
When she told him that he wasn't her bloke
She wouldn't even send a Facebook poke
But he kept tryin' and that's no joke no that's no joke

And so one day while watching a DVD
She turned to him & said 'I've been real douchey,
'I couldn't see that you were the one for me.'
Now take my hand and we'll be camping buddies
We'll storm the farm and shoot every living thing
You be my prince and I'll be Princecily

They'll go all the way tonight "quad-biking"
– that's love!
Hope you've got protection on, "quad-biking"
Can be pretty rough!

Josh & Cec
You've gone and got yourselves good and hitched
Who would have thought that it come to this?
Now run away and don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

Your lives start
Now that you've said 'til death do us part
It's two best friends who have one heart
You took the leap now don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

He's gonna get your heart racing
When he wears that ring
He's your teenage dream tonight

She's gonna get your heart racing
She's your yang to your ying
She's your teenage dream tonight (tonight, tonight...)

Ahhh, much laughter.

13 March, 2012

"Let meeeeeeeee entertain you!"
is what I sang to a notion this one time, before it betrayed me.

12 March, 2012

Instagram Top 5 - Esther

Lower still.

Almost can't help but laugh as I witness my entire life being stripped back.

Last year it was my identity in my 'skills' and my study.
It was going overseas, out of my comfort zone and into completely new territory.

And now I'm back, and my comfort zone is no longer what it was.

I have no money.
I have no car.
I am soon to have no job, and no house.
In the space of one month, three of my very best friends have moved to far away, separate places.

I laugh because through it all, I see God at work. I laugh because even though it may look and feel like I have nothing... I really have everything I'll ever need.

And I'm excited to get to the end of this year and be able to give God all the glory, because, I sure as heck ain't gonna be able to do it by myself.

Let's not twist this up in feelings of abandonment.
Let's not push it as a need or a habit or another broken piece.
I'm not broken. I've been made whole.

I'm just so crushingly sad, because I miss you, and I want you to come back.

And as I sit here, wiping the tears away, it all starts to flood in.
How many more of the people that I love will leave me this year?
How many more people that I crave will unknowingly break off another part of my soul and take it with them when they leave?

This is the song I can not get out of my head,
And the feeling I can not get out of my heart.

05 March, 2012

Today is one of those days where my heart just aches a little.

It feels like loss, though I've lost nothing.

It feels like apathy, though I really do care.

It feels like unbelief, though I do know Him.

It feels like unworthiness, though I've been told otherwise more than ever.

I don't know why the contradiction, can't fathom why the motionlessness, can't answer why the melancholy.
The temptation to fall back is so strong today. It feels too strong for weak little me to fight.

And this is why I want you.

My strength should come from God. From His joy. His grace should refresh me, His mercy make me new each morning. Should. It should.
But today all I want is you. I need you. I need to know you. More importantly, today I need you to know me, I need you to remind me why, to bring me back from the brink, to turn the lights back on, to remind me that it is finished. But I don't know you, and I don't know who you are, and today, I don't know if I'll ever know you.

And maybe that's the source of my little heart-that-just-wants-to-be-loved ache.

13 February, 2012


I am nothing

I am nothing. Nothing of the greatest kind.

I am worth nothing, and yet I am worth everything.

I can do nothing, and yet I can do something; I can do all things.

Because the One who created everything gives life to my nothingness. Gives substance to my insignificance.

I am nothing. He is everything. 

He is.

31 January, 2012

I think hearts are a bit like headphone cords... You don't mean to get them so tangled, you never set out to do that; but after you've finished using your headphones and you put them away; after you've finished using your heart, when you put it in your pocket and even take care to fold it nicely, that's when the trouble begins.

The time comes along when you need to use your heart again, so you dig around and pull it out of your pocket, only to discover that it's a knotted, tangled mess—it's going to take some time and effort to unravel it all again,  and what will have flown past without you noticing by that stage?

How can you be aware, constantly, of the state of your heart, to make sure it doesn't get tangled? Is it too much to be unceasingly thinking about? Is that part of the deal with hearts, anyway, that thinking doesn't always help? Are our hearts created to be tangled? Is there danger in not letting ourselves get knotted and messed up? Is it then that we miss out? Is it all really just inevitable in the end?

I don't want to stumble all over my own mess, I don't want to waste my time being caught up in making sure my heart isn't involved beyond what my brain sees as reasonable.

I want to get caught up in Jesus. I want to be so tangled that I can't undo the knots. I want to look at my heart and see, not how woven into this world I am, but how taken I am with Him, how tangled and knotted and completely messed up I am in the greatest love the Earth has ever known.

Because in the brokenness of my heart, that love is patient, that love is made perfect, and that love never fails.

20 January, 2012

Youth Camp, October 2011

I'd love nothing more than to take your sadness
The air you breathe is filled with my sweetness
You can not hide you can't run from my goodness

I will chase you
I will chase you
I will chase you until I catch you
Until I catch your heart

There's nothing you've done
There is nothing you've done
That could make me take my love 
from you

Won't you run to me
Won't you run to me
Won't you run to me
My arms are open wide
For you

There's nothing you've done
That could make me take my love

I'd love nothing more than to take your sadness
The air you breathe is filled with my sweetness
You cannot run you can't hide from my goodness

19 January, 2012

In the Simplest of Things

Unsure where to call home,
Even less certain of the road.

And still, I can't deny the sun,
I can't but find hope.