05 March, 2012

Today is one of those days where my heart just aches a little.

It feels like loss, though I've lost nothing.

It feels like apathy, though I really do care.

It feels like unbelief, though I do know Him.

It feels like unworthiness, though I've been told otherwise more than ever.

I don't know why the contradiction, can't fathom why the motionlessness, can't answer why the melancholy.
The temptation to fall back is so strong today. It feels too strong for weak little me to fight.

And this is why I want you.

My strength should come from God. From His joy. His grace should refresh me, His mercy make me new each morning. Should. It should.
But today all I want is you. I need you. I need to know you. More importantly, today I need you to know me, I need you to remind me why, to bring me back from the brink, to turn the lights back on, to remind me that it is finished. But I don't know you, and I don't know who you are, and today, I don't know if I'll ever know you.

And maybe that's the source of my little heart-that-just-wants-to-be-loved ache.