The Mask.

The Mask. The best of us all wear a mask at some point in our lives, some more than others.
We cover up our feelings, our mistakes, our secrets with these masks, so that the people around us can't see them. They only see the Mask, beautifully decorated but false nonetheless.
The Mask is a safe haven for many. The Mask gives the appearance of our lives to others the way we wish them to see it. But the Mask can be so dangerous. It covers up things that you never knew it could cover up, and when people can't see past the Mask, they can't see you. They don't really know you. All they know is the Mask you've been holding on to for so long. What happens when you get tired of holding up the Mask? What happens when you let go?

Maybe you're scared that they'll think you're ugly without the Mask, the beautifully crafted and cared for Mask, stripped bare, back down to you.
Is it the fear of what's under the Mask that prevents people from revealing their true selves?

Masks, whilst blocking you from view and judgement, also obscure your vision. Peripheral vision is cut off and all you see is the ugly inside of the Mask.
The Mask not only blinds other people, but it blinds you.
It blinds others into thinking you're something, someone you're not, whether good or bad. But it blinds you into obsession. All you can see and focus on are the things you're trying to cover up, which leads to you only feeling worse, not better about the image you project. It blinds your view of the world, because you don't see it, or other people as they are, you see them from your skewed position behind the mask.

The Mask is both friend and enemy. And getting attached is hard; it gets harder and harder to let go the longer you hold up the Mask, and it will be, inevitably, painful to pry the mask from your weary hidden face.

It's scary, letting go. I suppose the best we can hope for is that others will like what's under the mask, and if they don't, perhaps they will acknowledge us as creators of the Mask, an art form at best.

We should none of us judge what's under anyone's mask, remembering that we all have our own masks from time to time.

Blogland.

On orders from Benchong Town, I am writing a blog.
But the thing is, see the thing is, the thing is, see the thing is I don't know what to blog about.
(A cookie for anyone who just got the Lano & Woodley reference.)

So I will just talk about myself for a while. Actually, here is a list of stuff:
1. I started writing a book the other day. Awesome.
2. I have too much homework and I am slack. I'm probably going to fail 3/4 studio arts but that's my teacher's fault; he's never there, and when he is he never ceases talking about totem poles.
3. Crispy Potato flavoured 'In a Biscuit' biscuits taste nice if you think of roast potato, but feral when you think of raw potato.
4. Grace asked me to design the t-shirts for mission, and I'm scared they'll be crap. Any preferences for colour out there?
5. I am very sleepy.
6. My friend came home from India for a month! We're going to have ice cream before she goes back again.
7. I don't want to finish my list on such an un-rounded number.
8. The Milo is all gone.
9. I have to work tonight and I don't want to.
10. I suck at blob this round.

Another 3 things.

Thing 1.
Don't see Superbad. It's super bad.


Thing 2.
Went to one of those parties on Saturday where people just get drunk, hook up, and dance.
I don't drink or hook up, but I did dance with Hannah and Esther and people from youth which was fun, especially since I'm not generally a dancing person. This is where thing 3 took place.


Thing 3.
It was one of the guys from youth who had the party so half of my youth group was there and one of my smallgroup girls hooked up with the DJ which freaked me out a little but oh well, her decision. After a while she went outside to make a phone call and it just so happened that the DJ went outside too to have a smoke. Problem was we didn't know that, and I was worried because I know things about her past and no one could find either of them inside or outside, plus if anything happened to her I would feel responsible, even though it's not legally my responsibility.
She eventually reappeared, but then one of the other youth leaders went over to talk to her about it and she told me later that he was swearing his head off at her and telling her that she shouldn't be making out with guys and that if she goes somewhere she still needs to tell us even if it's a party. He was just belittling her and way overstepping the line.

Anyway, he made her cry and she never wants to come to church or youth again. She thinks everyone hates her, but they don't. I'm very angry. Because that was not his place, even if it was he should not speak to her, or anyone else like that.
I am so angry.

Fairytale.

Life is not a fairytale, is it? I'm just having a sad realization, that's all.

The good guy doesn't always win.
I guess I've always been an optimist... which isn't a bad thing really. In my mind things will always just work out, and they usually do just work out in reality. Usually. The good guy usually wins in my life, even through all the crap.

But for some people it doesn't.
Sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend all the bad stuff in the world.
It makes me sad. I want to cry for those people who have nothing... the people who the bad guy always wins over...

I'm a pretty hopeful person most of the time. I wonder what it feels like to lose all your hope... hopeless...
I have a friend who scorns at people who are depressed, or hate life, or commit suicide, because she does not understand.

I've never been in that constant state of pure despair and hopelessness, but I can understand why people whould rather stop living...

James Blunt on Sesame Street.

HA. I am not a fan of James Blunt, but I am a fan of this:

Minesweeper guy.

Look how cool this picture is that I made.

It moves!
It is my contribution to the various minesweeper blogs that seem to be going around. Be careful it's contagious.

A blog of three things.

This is a blog of three things. They are all unrelated, but through this blog they will marry, and become one.




Thing 1:
Surrender.

Surrender is a conference I went to for Vetamorphus, which is exciting I suppose. B.C. also went to this conference, which is an upside. Or is it a downside because he is smelly? Who knows?
I was half asleep the entire weekend. Literally falling off my chair. I think if I had not been so tired, I would have enjoyed Surrender a whole lot more. It was inspiring, what I managed to get out of it, and it was about poverty and things like that, and the need for us to change the world.

That's a very bad description, but I really can't offer anything more. Pester Chongface for betterness because he was probably awake.

I've been having some conversations (mostly with Ben Chongtown) recently about poverty and the like, and doing something for the world.

I have decided that my two 'issues' that I'm most passionate about are:

-Suicide, depression, and homelessness in Australian teens etc...
-Poverty outside of Australia.

I need to do something, but at the moment my issue is that I don't know exactly what to do. I've said that for the rest of the year, I'm going to do any clothes shopping at op shops, but that is more something I'm doing to change myself, not others' situations.
I had this random idea at work tonight that I could design and sell t-shirts, and donate some of the money to charity, and invest the rest of the money to make more t shirts to sell for charity. It's a baby of an idea yet, but it has me excited.

I'm looking forward to this journey of doing... well, something.



Thing 2:
Conversation.

Today at school, I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. We always have interesting conversations. Anyway, we were talking about The Lost Tomb of Jesus, or whatever that show was called that was on last night, and she asked me what I would do if they found something that proved that my whole religion was a lie. That the bible had been made up, that Jesus was a terrorist (random?).

I honestly don't know what I'd do if something like that happened. I'd like to think that my faith is strong enough for me to believe even if they found 'evidence' of Christianity's falseness.
My whole like has been built around God. I grew up in a Christian home, I've made the choice for myself to follow Jesus... but what if all I stood for was just taken from me? I wouldn't know who I was... So much of my life is built on God, partly because when I've built my life on other people they've broken my trust and let me fall.

But what would you do if you found out that it was all a lie?



Thing 3:
Note.

I was leaving a comment on someone's blog, I hadn't signed in, and the little box on the left said 'Choose an identity'.

I thought it was funny the way it just says 'Choose and identity'.
Imagine if you could do that in real life. Just choose whatever identity whenever you wanted to.






I feel as if this blog is badly written, but I don't care. I'm tired.

17

Harry Potter

I finished reading the book.

I will not give anything away in case any avid HP fan who has not yet read the 7th book reads this... But I will say that I liked it. I was worried, as I always am with final books, that the ending would be a let down in some way or other. It was not. My only disappointment was that the book didn't go for longer. And that blank didn't blank in to a blank.
That is all.

YouYube/TouTube

Watch them, my children...

Supar Marios Parondies


Demetri Martin

Po-wet-tree.

Here is a collection of short poems that make little, or no sense. I wrote most of them last night when I was half asleep and delusional.

I am.
I am half of what I need to be
None of what I want to be
Everything of what you see
Nothing of what is not me

---

Ingrained in my memory
What started as a tiny seed
Has now become a mustard tree
...metaphorically.

---

Last night I thought I was going to die
I woke up this morning and I was fine
I dreamed about the old dirt road
That distant place of you and I...

---

You are.
You are this
You are that
I told you
To eat my hat

You are good
You are bad
Will you remember
The fun we had?

You are funny
You are boring
I lay awake all night
Listening to you snoring

You are red
You are green
The blacks, the whites
And in between

You are a cake
You are a carrot
You are the cracker
I fed my parrot

You are mine
You are theirs
But I know you think
That no one cares

You are the rain
You are the sun
The planets, the moons
And stars overrun

You are cold
You are warm
Just never normal
So I am torn

You are you
You are them
Stop this nonsense
I'm going to bed

You are the break
You fixed my heart
You stop and start it
You pull it apart

You are the reason I am
You are the reason I will be
The reason I was
And all that I see

You are passionate
You are passion fruit
I don't think you know
That I adore you

You are given
You are taken
Through it all
You remain unshaken

You are my sister
You are my brother
You're not related
To my father or my mother

You are the city
You are the hills
You are the place
Where a little bit kills

You are deceitful
You're full of lies
Now I know
Why you don't lock eyes

You are beautiful
You are ugly
You're never enough
The circle of society

You are in tune
You are way out
Remember, to play
'Keep those lips in a pout!'

You are dishonest
You so true
There's no gray area
In black and blue

You are the reason I frown
You are the reason I cry
The plea of the fledgling
I'm going to fly

---

Wedding!

My beautiful sister Bree was married to my new brother Nathan yesterday. Bree Morel, as she is now known.

The wedding was at Immerse, which is some vineyard thing in the Yarra Valley. It was very cold because the ceremony was in a barn with no heaters. Poor bridesmaids, in our dresses, freezing.

That is not my beautiful sister Bree. That is my beautiful sister Josh.

Aww...

Bridal partay.

It was a good wedding, Nath cried when Bree was walking down the aisle, how shweet. The reception was warmer, inside with food. Yum. I was embarrassing when they introduced the bridal party, and when they made the speeches due to the constant references of 'Emily is the most eligible bachelorette,' 'Emily is single,' 'Anyone over 20, stay away.' Gaaahhh. Constant references of 'Emily is the next to get married.

It was funny but gee whiz, settle down, tiger. Only 16 yet, stop pressuring me to get hitched.



It was good to see a whole lot of people I haven't seen for a while, i.e. Family friends, old churchyurchy* people, a few beach mission folks, good to see some family, annoying to see other family.
I can't really think of anything else to write that would be interesting.
Although when they were leaving, I said goodbye to Nath, and all he said was 'Giggidy giggidy!'


Bree is married.
Sigh.




*I wrote churchyurchy, Chongface.

Vetamorphus.

I am torn... and slightly angry/annoyed/inconvenienced.

We have a list of dates for Vetamorphus. Last term they changed the date of the retreat and didn't tell me until about the week before. I had stuff to do that weekend. They've done it again.

It was meant to be in the middle of August, but instead they've changed it to the weekend of July 25th-27th.

Reasons why this annoys me:
It is my birthday on the 25th, so any celebrations I will have I will want to have on that weekend.
It is my friend Cecily's birthday on the 27th, and she is doing a performance things for her school that she is inviting everyone to.
It is snow day for youth on the 28th, and also Jono's birthday.
It's likely that I'll be on cafe at church because I'll probably miss this Sunday.
Bree gets back from her honey moon sometime that weekend.
July has been a full enough and busy enough month anyway and I cannot handle the stress.


Stupid Veta. I like you, but why do you have to be so damn unorganised?
Am I being hypocritical? Probably. But I am unorganised at my own expense usually, not other peoples'.



Sigh.

Central - 25 things

Hooooome! Although I wish I was still there.
Here are 25 things I did on Central.

1. Climbed Uluru
2. Met Cecily on Uluru
3. Saw Cecily at three different places
4. Held a crocodile
5. Swam under a waterfall
6. Slept under the stars
7. Discovered that 3.14* goes to DCC
8. Rode on a bus for nearly 10,000km
9. Saw Aboriginies fighting and no one doing anything about it
10. Was attacked as a group by a group of Aboriginies
11. Watched the sun set on the beach
12. Celebrated N.T. day at Mindal Beach night market
13. 'Swam' with 'crocodiles'
14. Relaxed in hot springs
15. Swam under spider webs
16. Held a snake
17. Rode a camel
18. Drove through backburning
19. Had an op-shop formal
20. Got drawn on while sleeping
21. Spent hours on top of Stuart (The HWY, people!)
22. Chipped my tooth on a humbug
23. Avoided cracking it or crying.
24. Climbed Kings Canyon
25. Got sick

(*Kimberley Pye)


Highlight: Most things on that list. Also waking up in the middle of the night on the first overnight bus trip in to a shadowy land of neverending desert.
Lowlight: My friends. Pshhht.
Interesting: Being attacked.